my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
Randomize
