dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
He's a collector of sorts
Any cool stuff?
You should see the collection of booggers in the carpet next to his desk
My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
Randomize
