I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
so she sprained her ankle somehow and her friend had to carry her out while all 7 of us watched. do we even need to vote on that or is that automatic induction into the hall of shame?
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
After tacos, we're chasing women.
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
Randomize
