the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
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