My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
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