The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
Exactly. I don't do penetration on the first date. Blowjobs however are perfectly acceptable.
I encourage the greeting beej. It determines if the dick is worth keeping around.
she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
Randomize
