My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
When I'm drunk i like to pretend my penis is zeus and instead of peeing i'm throwing lightning bolts into the toilet...it helps me focus.
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
Im just a social blackout drinker.
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
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