Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
Randomize
