my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
Randomize
