i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
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