had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
Randomize
