I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
it was like having sex with a tree stump
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
Randomize
