STUCK IN CAPS. WANA GET AFTER IT TOMORROW?
My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
Randomize
