I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
My penis needs a shock collar
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
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