I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
I was at his place until 2am. We just sat really close an stared at each other. I think you are right. Germans must not have feelings. Not even tingly ones in their pants.
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
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