I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
theres gunna be a new season of 16 and pregnant on mtv...WHERE DO THEY KEEP FINDING THESE IGNORANT PREGNANT GIRLS
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
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