Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
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