I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
Randomize
