i want tt clbm rinabw nd ride uncrn
what?
i wnt tto climb a rainboww and ride a unicornnnnnnnnn
watching "look who's talking now." getting choked up at the end when they find each other at the cabin
doesn't that movie star kirstie alley and have talking dogs in it? new low...even for you
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
Randomize