Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
Just checked, might have creepy crawlies. What does chlamydia feel like? Not near wireless to consult webMD.
Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
Come on, it shouldn't be that hard NOT to suck someone's dick
I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
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