You're earring is so big in my mouth
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
Randomize
