On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
Randomize
