im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
He's a Shit stain on my heart
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
Boobs speak an international language.
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
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