I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
Randomize