just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
went to library to start paper due tomorrow & took those orange addys u gave. now realizing they were ur xanax. completely fucked and going to fail, but calmly at peace with the situation.
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
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