Dude my mom stole all your condoms
My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
Randomize
