Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
Randomize
