What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
Randomize
