....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
Randomize
