if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
Randomize
