I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
Randomize
