i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
Randomize
