oh god the rape fog is back!
I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
Randomize
