I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
fuck st louis. fuck their hockey. fuck their basball. fuck their football if they still got it. fuck their tiddlywinks teamm. fuck their ribs. fuck their entire city. what im trying to say is i dont like st louis
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