i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
I CAN SEE SO MANY PENISES. There are so many visible penises here.
Where are you???
Yoga class :(
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
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