so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
Still had our rainbow strip poker new years tradition. End of night we were only wearing mask.
Did you get the usual surprise pics from the strange straight you like to sprinkle in.
Randomize
