hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
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