Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
Randomize
