I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
Randomize