My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
3 inches of snow, below zero windchill and i just saw a dude in a wrangler with no doors, shorts a beanie and burton snow goggles. God i love college in colorado
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
Randomize
