I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
Randomize
