bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
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