guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
Randomize
