My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
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