i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
everyone made a circle around them and startd chanting fight fight. they wernt fighting, they were dry humping
Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
Randomize
