she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
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