The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
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