This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
I just love slightly exposed cleavage. Not too much to be whory but just enough to say "your kids will never go hungry"
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
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