My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
Randomize