why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
hahaha my homeschooled cousin put up graduation pictures. it's just her standing in front of her fire place. With a hand made diploma.
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
Randomize
