What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
he just fucked me for my cheese..
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
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