this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
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