i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
Randomize
