Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
The beer is more important than you right now.
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
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