I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
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