I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
Randomize
