Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
Randomize
