please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
Randomize
