toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
Randomize