How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
Randomize
