Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
Randomize
