My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
super hot butfun
Oops. What a difference a comma and a space make.
it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
Randomize
