Every time a guy reaches down to touch my vag, i feel really sorry for all the transgender girls who still have a penis there.
That's weird cause every time i feel a girls vag i feel way worse for all the guys who reached down there and got a penis.
My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
Randomize
