I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
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