this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
Weer fine. went to buiy cigxs, but hes theonly one waering shoes. He caem out wti chicke fingers instead. whatecer, there th 8 dollar kind.
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
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