she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
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