Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
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