PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
Randomize
