My Higher Power is John Stamos
And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
Randomize
