I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
Randomize
